driven...or maybe not so driven

i know what i should do but i don't know if i'd be happy doing it. i think i should stick to the more lucrative accounting yet i don't think i want to continue on a course that leads me to doing accounting all my days. if i decide to go into something else with my accounting degree i would feel that i wasted alot of my time learning something that i know i don't want to use. i don't even think i know what is interesting to me anymore. accounting, finance...nothing. i really just want to move on to the next stage in life. i'm getting tired of learning and having little control and money always going out of pocket. i'm ready to have complete control and earning money and doing things. but i know that in order to have the best the future can offer me i have to get through this shit. it's so hard to say motivated these days. i used to enjoy learning and knowing things, but now .. i just dont know.

our lives are so short in the span of all of time. we live for merely a moment. nothing i can do will be memorable in the future so why not live the most ordinary life possible. why strive for great things when most likely you are not the only one doing it and all together you are all just ordinary becuase normal and ordinary and therefore extraordinary are all relative. if we all strive then none will surpass while if we all just do what we can eventually the one who really wants it will stand out for striving for it. we can't all be the best. i don't even want that any more so what am i doing. i could go into finance and be an average finance major with my great work ethic and get a fine job and enjoy the little things in life that those people trying to reach the top don't have time for.

who knows. i guess i jsut need to figure out what i really want out of life and do the things that will get it for me. (but i still don't want to disappoint anyone)